Cultural Barriers
by Emily-Mel
Summary: Just why does everyone assume Heero is _so_ Japanese? A tiny ficlet about differences in cultures ^_^


What happens when an angry muse gets his vacation cut short by an even more irate writer? A horrible ficlet, of course ^_^ Basically, I need some sleep & a change in meds :P  
  
--Mel, who has said everything that comes out of Duo in this ficcy  
  
***************** ***************** Title: Cultural Barriers Author: M&Em-chan Category: Humor, I guess ^_~ Archive: if you want it (but why would you?), you got it!---just tell me where it is so I can praise your site Pairings: none, really---fun for all ages Warnings/Labels/Junk: written when I've skipped my meds---if you've got a good imagination, this may not be for you; perhaps an OOC Hee-chan, but it's all relative, you know; if you think I own anything, you're sadly mistaken---if you'd like to sue me, please get in line behind the collection agencies and be prepared for a very long wait  
  
Text in forward slashes = thoughts---ex. // Pink elephants,// thinks Hilde. ***************** *****************  
  
"Now, Heero, when I said I wanted to get to know you a little better---like outside battlefield circumstances and with no chance of taking a bullet before the first deep conversation wraps up---I didn't exactly think you'd come up with this." Shifting in his seat, Duo winces and wonders if the wooden base is marginally softer than his cushion.  
  
"Shush---they're getting ready to start," his companion growls.  
  
"That's what you said two hours ago," he whines. "All they've done is lumber around, tossing salt and flappin' aprons. when's the action gonna crank up?"  
  
Ignoring his voluble neighbour, Heero turns back to the raised ring, a tiny smirk on his lips. "You do know this is a 15 day tournament."  
  
"What?!? We've got two more weeks of this celebration of cellulite? You're one sick guy, Hee-chan, if you figure this is fun. Man, what do you do for a first date? Championship Continental Drift?" Duo wrenches an English program from his bag of "goodies" and thumbs through it for the first time. "Not only do I have rocks in my ass, but this is just the tip of the iceberg? I can't believe I said 'let's do something you like for a change'.. last time I'll ever do that."  
  
"It's a cultural experience. An honoured sport that stresses traditional values and a balance between cunning, strategy, and strength. It's good for you."  
  
"I'll tell ya what's __not__ good for me: hobbling to the can every couple of hours in clunky wooden shoes. And even when I get there, I'm confused as to where I should go---I'm wearing a damned dress!" Duo pulls at his clothes, wrinkling the silk into a mess.  
  
Heero shakes his head and leans over to his other neighbour. "I'm quite sorry for his rudeness. He's of American extraction." The two apparent Asians nod in understanding, setting Duo off into a sulk.  
  
A low-grade mumbling punctuates the next few minutes. "Watchin' a bunch of overweight tubs in diapers grapplin' at each other is not my cup of tea. Is it something in the water over here that makes this sort of thing fun? If I wanted some guy's ass in my face, I could easily find some more attractive ones." Rooting through a small cooler, Duo pulls out a tin and pops the tab. "At least you guys make some half-decent beer. It's not too good, but it's cheap enough."  
  
// I will not correct him. I will not correct him. I will not--// Heero hangs onto that mental mantra and settles down for the last of the pre- match ceremonies.  
  
"Good seats, though. Practically count the hairs on their backs. Who'd ya kill to get 'em, Hee-chan? Hey, will you look at those big bastards!" Duo elbows his friend, pointing at the wrestlers and earning a glare. "Okay, okay. I'll be quiet."  
  
The spectators erupt into polite cheers, applauding.  
  
"What the hell?!? It's over?"  
  
**sigh** "The average matches lasts less than 30 seconds at this level. Now shut up or you'll miss the next one."  
  
"Oh, look at that freak. He's going to totally fling the little dude out of the ring."  
  
"You'd be surprised," Heero cryptically murmurs.  
  
In an impressive move, the smaller challenger tosses the ozeke into the front row. Jumping up and yelling, "Yee-haw! Stomp that mountain o' goo," Duo does a victory dance for the underdog, blowing a raspberry at the defeated warrior as he totters off to congratulate the winner of the bout. Seat cushions fly in approval, a couple of them bouncing off Duo's head.  
  
"Cool," he beams, scooping them up. "My butt thanks you, little guy." Tucking the extra padding underneath, he snuggles back in comfort. "Think that sort of thing happens often? I could use a few more---stretch out and get me a nap, ya know."  
  
His shoulders shaking in suppressed laughter, Heero vows to cancel the extra ticket to the next basho.  
  
~~Owari 


End file.
